Culture of gentleness

Gentleness

Gentleness means taking care of one another. We are not just meat that stimulates another piece of meat in a pleasurable way to each other. We do not have to go on dates or to walk each other to the altar to be able to love one another. We care about everyone’s feelings and wishes, and we are present even when we are nervous or when something feels otherwise difficult.

Sharing

We encourage everyone to make love in the orgies in the shared space. We want to create an intimate shared space.

We let others join our play. This does not mean that you have to have sex with everyone. It means withholding from isolation. If we really want to make love with a certain person without other people present, we can do so after the orgy.

Openness

We speak openly and honestly. We share what we like, what we dislike, what we want to partake in and what we wish to abstain from. We do not try to please others at the cost of our own well-being and safety. We speak openly about sexually transmitted infections.

Gender and sexual orientation

To us, gender is but one of many features in a person, and sexual orientation is just a trait describing what we like among other things. For some people these are important concepts, for others, not so much.

For us as a community, it doesn’t matter whether you fancy people with curly hair or people with breasts.

Intimacy

Non-sexual intimacy can be shared even with those who we do not want to make love to. We gladly hug and pet one another. Homophobia, transphobia nor any other kind of discrimination is welcome at our orgies.

Intoxicants

Gentle orgies are sober. This means that any intoxicants besides tea, cocoa and coffee are forbidden. This ban includes both taking intoxicants during or before the orgy.

We want to meet each other unaffected from within ourselves, therefore artificially altering the state of one’s mind is not suitable for these kinds of meetings.

Sex parties

In a sense, Gentle orgies can be considered as sex parties. In the same vein, these orgies can be instead seen as purely a weekend course for practicing conscious sexual expression.

Gentle orgies were born from a need to find alternatives for already existing sex-positive events. Therefore it is a very conscious choice from us that Gentle orgies are not a disco, a club night, a performance or merely an open space for free-form sex.

Veganism and eco-friendliness

Love is not only pleasure, but also betterment of the world. For ethical and ecological reasons, the food we offer at our events is entirely vegan, and most often organically sourced. This is in line with our rule about never harming others.

Vanilla

White sugar flavoured with synthetic vanillin (which we call vanilla ice cream) tastes uninspired and artificial. This is what most people mean by the term vanilla in the context of sex.

Yet, a person who has taken a bite of or even smelled a whole Vanilla planifolian fruit, will understand what we mean by the gentle untamed nature of vanilla sex.

Neotantra and conscious sexuality

Neotantra is a philosophy of life and a method that is based on the western interpretation of classic Indian tantra. Exercises done at the Gentle orgies are strongly based on modern western tantra teaching. However, we avoid the use of tantra and neotantra terms on this site, since different people might have associations with these terms that are misleading and wildly different from one another.

Conscious sexuality is about exploring sexuality on many different levels, such as physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. When one’s mind is focused on the present moment, the experience deepens. When love making becomes meditation, we open up to ourselves and one another much deeper than is otherwise possible.

Whatever it is that follows this presence, whether its ecstatic pleasure, heart-wrenching pain or tranquil coalescence, it is all just equally as welcome and an intriguing step on the path of getting to know oneself.

In the orgies, many want to play for hours on end. In such cases, it is well-advised to take note that hard sex can damage ones mucous membranes. Ejaculation can also lead to weakened erections and diminish libido and the option to continue. When making love, slowing down can, contrary to what one may assume, intensify the pleasure felt. We encourage people to pay attention to the whole body, instead of just the genitalia. Personal spiritual exercises can be a great help in these matters.

BDSM

BDSM is a gateway to conscious presence to many, and a form of therapy to others. We acknowledge these strengths of BDSM, and for some of us, BDSM is a hobby or a passion. However, in Gentle orgies, we want to explore how to achieve conscious presence without pain or roleplay.

BDSM play is often based on strict and rigid agreement on what are the internal rules of the session. It is also decided upon who will participate in it. This is necessary to ensure the safety when playing with pain and power dynamics.

In Gentle orgies we want to keep the whole group as united as possible. By strictly limiting how and who can participate, this unity is broken as some of the group forms a tightly-knit cluster that excludes others. This kind of playing also has the tendency to gather an audience, who, without a chance to join, will simply passively watch what is happening.

Some BDSM activities are, by nature, performative and include a clear casting of roles. This is quite opposite in nature to the exploration of authentic self-expression.

Some sex parties have a rule, that in order to join a group that is already playing together requires consent from each person in the group. In Gentle orgies, there is no such rule, and consent is always negotiated between two people. We aim for sexual play to be dynamic and for people to be able to switch their playing intuitively according to what they themselves want. In Gentle orgies it is often hard to say, to which single group someone belongs to.

For many, bearing witness to hurting, exertion of power or otherwise rough playing, does not feel safe. Some participants might have trauma that gets triggered by slapping, choking or degradation that happens around them.

There are also many sub-culture terms for BDSM that not everyone is familiar with. One example of this is the traffic light system.

For these reasons, in our Gentle orgies we do not take part in sexual play that pain and power dynamics play a crucial part in. Luckily there are many other spaces and events for BDSM play.

Dating

Gentle orgies can be joined regardless of your relationship status or type of relationship. We are, however, critical of possessiveness and breaking agreements made within relationships. If you are in a relationship where you have made agreements with your partner (or the agreements are implied) please comply with these agreements or discuss with your partner about changing them.

You can join the Gentle orgies together with your partner or any other avec. Look for more information about joining with an avec here.